Vauxhall Tea Party

Phase 2 · Knowing the self

Week 08

Self-Accounting Without Self-Harshness

The Letters · The Twenty-Eighth Letter · The Twenty-Sixth Letter

01

Story

  1. 01Thirty years earlier, the young Said, already a famous scholar, is struck by one thought. Death is real (el-mevtü hakkun). He sees himself stuck in a swamp.

  2. 02He opens a book by Gilani at random: “You are in the House of Wisdom, so find a doctor for your heart.” He sits on that very council (Dârü’l-Hikmet), healing others, and sees that he is the sickest.

  3. 03“You be my doctor,” he says, and reads it as if it spoke to him. It operates on his pride, a surgery on the soul (ameliyat-ı cerrahiye). Halfway, he puts it in the cupboard.

  4. 04A week goes by. The pain of the healing operation leaves, and a sweetness (lezzet) comes in its place.

  5. 05He reads it to the end, and benefits greatly. Later he finds his one qibla (tevhid-i kıble) in the Qur’an itself.

Nursi’s own memory, from the Twenty-Eighth Letter, retold in our words. The soldier with the king’s gifts, from the same Letter, is in the fourth point below.

02

Meaning

Take stock of yourself honestly every day (muhasebe), but accuse the nafs, not your worth, and then turn back to God.

The young Said was busy treating everyone else’s wounds, and the first honest thing he did was to turn the lamp on himself. That is self-accounting (muhasebe), and Nursi does not make it optional. But notice the rest of the story: the book was too severe, he put it down for a week, and the pain turned into sweetness. Harsh self-accusation that never stops, or thinking only about yourself, is just another way of keeping the “I” (ene) at the centre. The way through is to accuse the nafs, not your worth, and then to turn back to God.

Six things these Letters show

From two Letters, the Twenty-Eighth and the Twenty-Sixth. Try each picture with your own hands.

  1. A sick man looks to himself first,then to the sick · hasta evvelâ kendine bakmalıtheir woundsthe sickest · en ziyade hastahealing · şifathen, the others

    He spends his days on other people’s wounds. The lamp never turns his way.

    01 / 06

    The doctor looks at himself first

    Self-accounting (muhasebe) is not optional. Nursi’s turning point began when he saw that he, the one working to heal the wounds of the Muslim world, was the sickest of all. A sick man must look to himself first, and only then to others (hasta evvelâ kendine bakmalı). This is the honest half of the week. Without it, all the talk of not being harsh becomes an excuse.

  2. Each cut of self-reviewday 1a week lateron the shelf · dolaba koydumpain · acıhealing · şifasweetness came · lezzet geldinot stronger, injurednothing stings, nothing changes

    Choose a way of reviewing yourself, and watch a week go by.

    02 / 06

    Surgery hurts, then heals

    Gilani’s book carried out a severe surgical operation on his soul (ameliyat-ı cerrahiye). Nursi admits he could not bear it, and stopped halfway. A week later the pain had gone and pleasure (lezzet) had come in its place. Two lessons. Real self-review can hurt; a review that never stings is probably not honest. And the dose matters: even Nursi put the book on the shelf for a week. Healthy self-accounting is surgery with time to recover, not surgery every hour.

  3. In dutyvazifeIn worshipubudiyetThe raw selfEski Saida herald’s dignitybelongs to the postfaulty, needy, weakkusur · fakr · aczthe Old Said’s habitsriya · hubb-u câh“I am faulty, somy work is worthless”

    One man, three ways of standing. Press each room.

    03 / 06

    Three people in one

    His students were puzzled by contradictions in how he behaved, so Nursi explained that one person can have several personalities (şahsiyet). The first is his personality in his duty (vazife), as a herald (dellâl) of the Qur’an’s treasury: it needs dignity, and its high qualities belong to the post, not to him. The second is his personality in worship (ubudiyet): there he sees himself as more faulty (kusur), needy and powerless than anyone. The third is the raw self left over from the Old Said (Eski Said), with real faults: a pull towards being seen and wanting rank, and a thrift he jokes about. The rest he will not list, he says, so as not to drive his students away.

  4. the duty, higher than all · vazife cümleden a‘lâthe self, lower than all · nefis cümleden süflîemployed by Himmy recordthe king’s giftthe nafsnoted

    Choose where his worth stands, then give him a bad week.

    04 / 06

    The nafs is lowest, the duty is highest

    Nursi ends that answer with a line worth writing down: a hundred thousand thanks, the self is lower than all, and the duty is higher than all (nefis cümleden süflî, vazife cümleden a‘lâ). God does not need ability in the one He gives to: He used a personality like a private’s for a field marshal’s duty. In the same Letter a king sends a common soldier (nefer) with royal gifts for his generals. While he carries them, he has the dignity of the errand; off duty, he stands up for the marshal like any private. Your nafs deserves suspicion. Your worth comes from the One who employs you, and it does not drop in a bad week.

  5. An animala set limit · fıtrî kayıdA humanhonoured · mükerremthe prophets,the truthfulNimrods,Pharaohsno built-in limitzalûmmost ignorant, born to learn · cehûla foala childon its feet in hoursstands: 1 yearharm and benefit: 15 years

    An animal arrives almost finished, inside set limits. A human does not.

    05 / 06

    Honoured, and most unjust, most ignorant

    How do the two verses fit, “We have honoured the children of Adam” (mükerrem, 17:70) and “he is most unjust, most ignorant” (zalûm, cehûl, 33:72)? Because human powers have no built-in limit, a person can go endlessly far in bad character, to the level of Nimrod and Pharaoh, or endlessly far in good, to the rank of the prophets and the truthful. That is “most unjust”. And an animal arrives almost finished, learning what it needs in days or even hours, while a human needs a year to stand and fifteen to tell harm from benefit. That is “most ignorant”: born needing to learn everything.

  6. each day, a new person · her gün bir ferd-i âherthe mistakeset down · estağfirullahtodaythe key · lâ ilâhe illallahwhispers · vesvese

    One mistake, on the first day. Watch the week that follows.

    06 / 06

    Renew, do not relitigate

    Nursi explains the hadith “Renew your belief with lâ ilâhe illallah”. Each person is really many individuals: as many as the years, the days, even the hours of his life, because time dresses him every day as a new person (ferd-i âher). The world he lives in is renewed every day too. So belief, the light of both, needs switching on again, renewing belief (tecdid-i iman), and the word of unity is the key that turns on the light. Meanwhile the nafs, desires, doubts and whisperings (vesvese) keep trying to put it out. Yesterday’s you, who made the mistake, is not today’s you. Review him honestly, ask forgiveness (istiğfar), and turn the light on again.

03

Read

وَلَقَدْ كَرَّمْنَا بَنِىٓ ءَادَمَ

“We have honoured the children of Adam.” (Qur’an 17:70)

Thirty years ago, fearful blows fell on the heedless head of the Old Said, and he weighed the words “Death is real” (el-mevtü hakkun). He saw himself in the mud of a swamp. He called for help, looked for a road, searched for someone to rescue him, and saw that the roads were many; he was left in doubt. Strangely, at that time I was a member of the House of Islamic Wisdom (Dârü’l-Hikmeti’l-İslâmiye), as if I were a doctor working to heal the wounds of the people of Islam, while I was the sickest of them all. A sick man should look to himself first; after that he can look to the sick.

So I read the book as though it were speaking to me. But it was very severe; it broke my pride fearfully, and carried out a severe surgical operation on my soul (ameliyat-ı cerrahiye). I could not bear it. I read it as far as halfway, as addressed to me, and had no strength left to finish, so I put it in the cupboard. But later the pains of that healing operation went, and pleasure came (lezzet geldi).

In this poor brother of yours there are three personalities (şahsiyet), far, very far, from one another. When I turn in worship (ubudiyet) towards God’s court, I see myself as more wretched, powerless, needy and faulty (kusurlu) than anyone. If the whole world praised me, it could not convince me that I am good. A hundred thousand thanks: the self lower than all, the duty higher than all (nefis cümleden süflî, vazife cümleden a‘lâ).

Bediüzzaman Said Nursi, The Letters, the Twenty-Eighth Letter (Third Matter, Third Point) and the Twenty-Sixth Letter (Second Topic)Working translation from the Turkish, made for this draft. Check against a published edition before release.Read the Twenty-Eighth Letter in full, in English with the Turkish original

04

Explore

One mistake, three voices

Today you sent a client the wrong number. Switch between the three voices that might answer it, and watch the same room.

The harsh voice“You idiot. You always do this. They will find out you are a fraud.” It does not accuse the fault, it accuses you. The crack runs over the person, and nothing gets fixed.

The too-easy voice“Not my fault. The data was bad. Everyone does it.” It feels kinder, but the crack is only covered, not mended, and it will still be there tomorrow.

The honest voice“I sent the wrong figure. My nafs rushed it. I will call the client, fix it, and check twice next time. Estağfirullah.” It accuses the nafs, not your worth, asks forgiveness (istiğfar), and then turns back to God.

Nursi was severe with his own nafs and never confused it with his worth: the self lower than all, the duty higher than all (nefis cümleden süflî, vazife cümleden a‘lâ). Here the second phase closes. We named the nafs, met the heart and the two faces of the “I”, and now we know how to look at them every day without going blind or bitter.

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